I used to be very stubborn. I used to be very hard headed and opinionated. I still am but in a way more respectful way. I'm also able to see when I'm about to maybe make a bad choice and stop myself from doing it.
I know this sounds like nothing but its really not as simple as you may think. Try mid argument to sit down and rationalize everything before you start being an asshole, its not that easy especially when you KNOW you're right.
I knew getting married would mean compromises and many other things that require adjustments because this isn't about you... Its about us. I decided to be accepting, which also sounds simple but its not. Everyone thinks they're accepting enough already but I see a lot of stupid people feeling so passionately about some things that they really shouldn't feel passionate about. To be truly accepting takes daily practice.
Your whole marriage takes daily practice and that is so important to understand. You're relationship needs to be watered daily. Sometimes the soil needs to be switched out so your roots can grow. Sometimes you need a bigger pot. Sometimes you need pruning. These are not monthly services, they are a daily requirement.
Change is going to happen and you are going to have to learn to adjust together. You are going to learn how to weather the storm together and you fucking better because you're whole relationship relies on it. Change is good, it helps us breath. Change is helping us get to where we need to be. Change can be real shitty sometimes but if you can get by it together, then you will be okay.
You need to be on the same page and one must never try and be ahead of the other. You want a life long commitment then that's what you will get. That means every step is together, at the same pace, because you WANT that. Relationships fail because someone, at some point decides to get "one sided" which means selfish. You can knowingly and unknowingly get this way if you aren't paying attention. Being selfish in a relationship acts the same way poison ivy does. It will slow you down.
Actions do not speak louder than words because actions don't speak. Both of these are just as important as the other. You need to be every part of "the 5 love languages" not just one or two. Why would you limit the amount of love you can give to the person who wants to be with you for the rest of their life? that is a big deal man. Communicating is the only way someone will know what is wrong. People will only know how much they can trust you when you actually follow through with what you said you would. Saying "I love you" is just as important as showing how much you love someone. This is just as I said earlier about the adjusting because if you don't already have both or only are good at doing one of the two, then you MUST adjust yourself accordingly. Learn to talk and learn to act because this is forever.
I feel like people should know that getting married means that. It means all of this, and if you can't handle that then marriage is not for you.
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